What Did 28 Days Without Facebook Teach Me?

With a website that boasts over 900 million active users Facebook is where you became digitally counted, your photos given a living audience, and every-single-thing you encountered was now in digital existence. 

The entire social universe came to life through the birth of Facebook. If it did not exist on Facebook what meaning would it hold? Facebook was there for the world to judge and envy, it's the one thing that hears, sees, checks in, responds to any situation at any time and place.

I have been a 'Facebooker' for over 9 years. By now I must have a clear understanding of my true nature because I watched it play out through social media... right? I post something reflecting my perceived character and I can gauge my audience’s affirmation through my posts engagement.

My inner monologue would chatter “Oh! That’s something Emma would totally post. My friends and fans will like, share and laugh at this.”

I opened my Facebook one morning and I felt sick. It seems, slowly but surely a type of anxiety had crept in like regrettable news.

So what’s really going on here?

I had been living on Facebook for just under a decade, investing personally and professionally, forging businesses and friendships. I would consider myself a rational common sense kinda girl. Why was I feeling this way towards Facebook?

"The manifestation of emptiness is the essence of truth."

Lives are affected by circumstances and the environment, they can adapt themselves to a certain degree. If we become unhappy or dissatisfied with our present situation, and the need to change becomes strong, then we will seek to internalise these changes.

Our Facebook reality is essentially empty, without roots, while its primary nature is eternally bright and profound. For most people, true reality is perceived to be hidden. However true reality is not inherently disclosed, it only appears that way to unenlightened eyes. Facebook seems to create an alternate and deceptive reality, unlike true reality which is fundamentally crystal clear and if seen correctly can offer true wisdom. 

To change every moment means to die in that moment or maybe reborn is a better way of explaining it. To live an unfulfilled life people tend to cling onto past feelings and memories, living vacantly. To live freely you have to understand that everything changes in an instant and I believe only a wise person can apply this principle to their everyday lives.

But isn't this the very frame work and foundation of Facebook? Constant feed of delectable news and stories. Never ending fresh information - endless choices moment to moment?

Yet I didn’t feel connected or fulfilled anymore.

A psychological experiment conducted by Facebook on nearly 700,000 users, saw Facebook "manipulate" news feeds to control which emotional expressions the users were exposed to.

The research was done in collaboration with two US universities to gauge if "exposure to emotions led people to change their own posting behaviours". The research was conducted on 689,000 Facebook users over a period of one week in 2012.

According to the study: "The experiment manipulated the extent to which people were exposed to emotional expressions in their News Feed". The study found that users who had fewer negative stories in their news feed were less likely to write a negative post, and vice versa.

Adam Kramer of Facebook, who co-authored the report on the research, said: "We felt that it was important to investigate the common worry that seeing friends post positive content leads to people feeling negative or left out".

Could 9 years exposed to these emotional expressions across my news feed, good and bad, negatively affect my rational rhythm?

I was not just visiting social media in the mornings. It was a relationship that spread across the day. I probably make the rounds on my various social media networks every hour to make sure that I am not missing something important. Checking my Facebook and other social media like Instagram at an alarming 31 different times in one single day. The average person only checks Facebook 14 times a day. I feel it was time for social media intervention.

Having realised just how dependent I had become on Facebook, from preening through my retrospect of photo albums, maintaining status update obligations, to solving the world’s problems one sarcastic meme at a time. I wanted to find my true nature, my true reality, ‘my enlightenment’. I decided it was time to take a break and see what 9 years of social media had taught me and what I will become after 28 days through a social media blackout.

First week into my 28 days of social media abstinence, feelings of vulnerability and guilt slipped in. People will think I deleted them! What will people think of me, or god forbid, they won’t even notice and don’t really care?

Boredom. I felt ‘cold turkey’ bored. Working from home with my own business, the TV would be running for background noise, iPad locked in position beside my work laptop and my iPhone ready on charge. I was actively orchestrating all devices simultaneously, reading, commenting, chatting, researching (stalking) and of course working. Now, it was just me and quiet.

Silence was an overwhelming feeling.

So I bought books, lots of books. I bought art supplies because I had talent as an artist at one point. I started writing more because that’s something I always loved and I focused my on fitness and investing in stronger relationships. I don’t remember being that bored in 2006 prior to joining Facebook so it’s not going to beat me now!

Before Facebook I could sit and just be still. Slow down and be aware of my surroundings. Have patience and be totally relaxed. Eat a meal, slowly and enjoy it. Stand and chat with strangers with no awkwardness and no phone to attend to. I was always so hyped and constantly nervous. I wasn’t sleeping well, my body was rigid and continually activated. To be honest re-training my body was going to be tough.

Finding peace.

Week two. My days are quieter. Focus was clearer. I can express myself without the aid of social media. I had disconnected and faced the fear of being myself without distractions.

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” - Henry David Thoreau

I thought back to the Facebook conversations I used to have with people I didn’t even know. I knew things about people I had never actually met. I used to piece together stories of what they could be like by patching together the tiny bits of information given through social media. Imagination would run wild with fanciful stories, speculation and false comparisons.

Human habit of overestimating other people’s happiness is nothing new. Experiencing ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ is common. As one economists put it "The increased opportunity to succeed in many dimensions may have led to an increased likelihood in believing that one's life is not measuring up."

After D day, I was called by five friends. Two seriously asked if I was ok. Like was I dead? Or was something sinister was about to happen? Disconnecting from Facebook isn’t seen to be a normal behaviour. I mean, a part from unhinged girlfriends who deactivate accounts to make a statement, “I’ll teach you” type deal- I don’t need you in my life, just watch.

Social media had become so ingrained in human life it can be compared to a religion. Leaving your faith prompts questions from your followers or oblivious and easily manipulated boyfriends.

28 days without social media, Facebook seemed like a distant memory. Only when Facebook was mentioned on the news or if I tried to contact a friend, it  actually dawned on me “Oh yeah? I wonder what everyone is doing on Facebook?” Anxiety had past and my work ethic improved. I felt happier and relaxed.

So what did 9 years on Facebook and 28 days of digital deactivation teach me? Not only was I desensitised to the world around me but I had become numb to vulnerability. Vulnerability is uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. To feel and experience vulnerability is important for true connection because it gives us purpose, authenticity and meaning to our lives. My reluctance to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability was restricting my life experience and the chance to feel truly alive. Social media skilfully prevents vulnerability. I found that we tend to hide behind our digital projections because of our primal need to “belong”. Willingness to let go of who I thought I should be on Facebook let me become fully vulnerable, connected and present in a true reality.

(I haven't picked up an art pen in 15 years. I have always been passionate about black and white 'Pointillism' using fibre tip ink pens. I had forgotten that dot work was so labour intensive but I find it's therapeutic at the same time. I'm quite proud of my first attempt in full colour. What do you think?)

Emma Read- Pop Media Consulting