So they Discovered you’re a Fake

You have worked hard throughout your career keeping up appearances, busily building up your wall of make-believe. Highly aware that, if you’re diligent and work above and beyond no one will be privy to your dirty little secret…that you’re a fake. Little do they know that this ‘over achieving’ is just a cover-up strategy. You take great care in your web of intellectual phoniness to prevent the discovery that you’re not that skilled or successful after all- you’re just a fraud.

This experience is called Impostor Syndrome and is a very common unsubstantiated belief people live with throughout their working life. Mostly associated with women, it’s a chronic feeling of self-doubt and intellectual fraudulence.

These feelings could be:

• Feel like a fake
• Attribute success to luck
• Discount any success
• Fear success
• Pressure not to fail
• Avoid showing confidence

The impostor’s belief relates to an inability to process past and current success. They have a constant fear of achievement because of the responsibility and visibility that it involves increases the pressure between the inner feelings and the outside perception.

However, despite someone’s deserved degrees, acknowledgement and professional recognition from respected peers, they don’t feel an inner sense of success. They consider themselves to be phonies and are in fact convinced that they have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise.

“Sometimes I wake up in the morning before going off to a shoot, and I think, I can’t do this. I’m a fraud.” – Kate Winslett

Impostor syndrome is found in both sexes but why do women seem more doubtful than men? This is because women seem to be treated considerably different in their professional achievements. Men are promoted based on potential while women are more commonly promoted based on past accomplishments.

Men are continually celebrated for being ambitious, powerful and successful but women who display these same characteristics often pay a social penalty. When a woman fails, she is more likely to believe it is due to lack of talent.

So, let’s unpack this. To have reached this point in your career, where you are at this very moment. To have achieved what you have, you must have done something that worked. That’s right, this has happened because you said yes, or no, and then, opportunities presented themselves to give you your current position. It isn’t a fluke.

Here are some important steps to take that can help you deal with impostor feelings.

1) Talk to someone: it’s important to be open and discuss those feelings with others so you can begin to understand that you’re not alone. This will allow you to be aware and start to change these negative thoughts. Just identifying impostor feelings can set you to work on turning those automatic thoughts around.

2) Let go: You need to let go of your extra self-importance and focus less on your perfectionist projection that never actually existed. This can be assisted by helping others and focusing on providing value in the office.

3) Feel good file: Make a list of positive things people say about your work and gather up your wins, testimonials and visit them when you’re feeling these negative thoughts. Remember, being wrong doesn’t make you a fake. It’s important to realise that losing is part of life.

4) The world needs you: Everyone has doubts, the best thing you can do for the world is do the best you can. Your positivity and vibes rub off on other people. If you’re not fighting the fight how can you inspire others? You deserve to be here, to be respected and invest that valuable contribution.

Just because you feel something so strongly doesn’t mean it’s right. It is so important to understand the difference between feelings and reality. Do your own reality checks and always question those impostor thoughts and feelings to create more balanced thoughts.

"But I also know that in order to continue to grow and challenge myself, I have to believe in my own abilities. I still face situations that I fear are beyond my capabilities. I still have days when I feel like a fraud. And I still sometimes find myself spoken over and discounted while men sitting next to me are not. But now I know how to take a deep breath and keep my hand up. I have learned to sit at the table." -Sheryl Sandberg COO of Facebook

Emma Read - Pop Media Consulting